You’re here.
Welcome!
And before we get started:
There are tons of self-help books available. Tons and tons and tons. We can reach blindly into this ocean, pulling out the one that “feels” right, and we’d get something great out of it. Of course we would! We are seekers, adventurers, curious about our self, our relationships, and the world around us. We want to grow, change, evolve, and transform. This is a core tenet in our human nature! We immerse our self into that book, tell all our friends, share our experiences, form support groups. We’re really super excited about what we’ve learned and how we’re finally going to BE better! “THIS is The ONE I need!” Every philosophy and plan promises us tremendous relief.
But it is only temporary relief.
Eventually and predictably, these superficial insights wear away. When the next Book! Class! Workshop! Virtual seminar! shows up, the first, or tenth or twentieth, gets tossed to the wayside while we dive into this new philosophy with the same gusto. But they each only provide the same temporary relief.
This is what’s happening: The wisdom within this Sea of Self-Enlightenment is only a topical solution, and we lie there, bleeding out, we with our scrapes, deep cuts, and old bruises. In other words, we do not heal: we cannot heal without the proper tools and procedures.
Instead of stockpiling a library of simple bandages, we really just need to heal our wounds from in the inside out. In other words, True Help begins by the stripping away of the unintended layers we’ve accumulated, baring our vulnerabilities, peering at our self with a magnifying glass, and breathing a sigh of relief. Our True Selves are perfect and beautiful. Just. As. They. Are.
This book will help you identify the unconscious layers that were thrust upon you, and then help you choose which to strip away, those that you no longer want or need. This is Personal Awareness at its best. Your journal will help you explore and manage your vulnerabilities in a safe environment. Reflecting on your journal will allow you to appreciate – and even love – your journey. Know that this process cannot be rushed; it takes time and it’s worth it.
(In other words, we are born with a complete operating system. This collection will help us uninstall or remove those programs that clog up our drive. The uninstall process is conscious awareness; this will restore our ease of operation.)
During this slow, careful process of repair and healing, all help can penetrate into our deepest places. Your sigh of relief comes when you realize that you were born perfect, and you are reconnecting with this perfection again. You already have everything you need to live happily ever after.
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Why 64?
The human genetic code uses a 64-letter alphabet called a codon. There are 64 hexagrams in the I Ching: The Book of Transformations. 64 is the first whole number that both squares and cubes perfectly: it’s the square of 8 and the cube of 4. 64 Braille characters. The atomic weight of Copper. 64 squares on a chessboard. 64 positions in the Kama Sutra. Lord Shiva has 64 manifestations. According to Luke, there are 64 generations from Adam to Jesus. Books in the Hindu Tantra. Number of teams in the NCAA Basketball Tournament. The most strokes in a Chinese character. 64 classical arts in Indian scripture. 64 Crayons in a classic pack. Paul of The Beatles sings, “Will you still need me? Will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” The number I pulled today at the service counter. Angel #64 says, “Right now, you should focus all your attention on your spiritual path and development. The more you express your gratitude toward the Angels and Higher Powers around you, more likely they will help you.”
So, there’s quite a bit of power in 64. Let’s tap that.
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Imagine yourself standing before a Chinese Buffet. I say it’s a Chinese Buffet because these are the ONLY buffets I’ve ever been to where there is at least one food item from every major culinary group. Italian pasta with red sauce. Mexican tacos and burritos. American burgers and fries and ice cream. Japanese sushi. French pastries. You get it. They also have sandwich fixin’s, a salad bar, a fruit bar, and whipped cream. And, of course, all the best Chinese comfort food available.
So you’re standing there, looking for the plates, wondering where—and how—to begin. What do you start with? Do you circumnavigate the aisles, scoping out a plan? Do you jump right in to the middle, taking a bit of this and a bit of that? Do you try only the new? Do you start with what you never have at home? Do you mile-high your plate with your favorite fried things? Are you still on your wheat-free diet or does this moment become a free-for-all? Dessert first? Delicate veggies first? Do you enter the fray blindly, madly, loudly? Do you take two to three bite-sized portions of every single item? Or do you bounce around creating a totally original Italian-Chinese-hoagie-burrito with a cherry on top?
If I may offer: Whatever you do at this Buffet is what—and how—you also do the rest of your life.
And it might just be how you’re going to do this book, too… But this time, I invite you to try it differently.
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I am a Theatre Major.
Well, technically I completed my Single Subject Teaching Credential in English with a Major in Theatre Arts. This means I graduated college without any legitimate skills that any corporate entity would be looking for. Which I am totally fine with, by the way. It also means I have great teamwork experience, I use power tools and weld confidently, I focus on people’s strengths, I can party all night and work hard all day, and I push through until the show is over. I’ve directed, acted, designed, built, produced, founded, and written for the theatre. Although I miss life in the theatre Every Single Day, the skills I learned are deeply embedded in my daily life. Hey, you can take me out of the theatre, but don’t you dare try to take the theatre out of me.
I was a single mom for 16 years.
My daughter’s friends considered me the Cool Mom. Yay! This means I am frugal, I am efficient, I am trusting, I listen, I encourage playfulness, I ask tough questions, I get answers, I have no judgment, I accept everyone for who they are today, and I know we are in transition. I loved being a single mom. Especially to Elizabeth. She rocks.
I have always loved self-awareness and personal growth.
I read everything I can, I apply the principles, and I experiment to find what works for me at the time. I love weekend workshops and seminars, and voraciously devour everything offered. I take notes, I reflect, and I integrate what works for me. I go back through the material because as I change, the material changes, too. I try to keep it all, but most of it winds up happily in circulation to my family and friends. I’ve used my library, seminars, and workshop attendance as references for compiling this book, and they are listed specifically in the Reference Section at the end. If something pulls you in for more, go for it!
Sometimes what I’ve learned sucks. It’s wrong for me. I try it and I hate it. It’s like nails on a chalkboard: I cringe and cover my ears and silently scream. Sometimes the material is great but the presenter sucks. So I ignore the messenger and embrace the message anyway. I make notes about that, too.
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I was born perfect.
(So were you.)
In 2003, I was in the middle of this perfect life. I had a flourishing tribe, a bounty of wonderful friends. My dynamic, growing career was everything I could have hoped for. Elizabeth and I were happily adventuring along, a mama and her girl. And then I met Michael. He was quirky and unique: a professional writer with a big imagination. He quickly became my best friend. We would stay on the phone all night sharing secrets, hopes, and dreams. We spent every weekend together, writing our big Hollywood scripts, eating mountains of Italian food and drinking way too many cocktails. He was a genius and I loved watching him work and create. Our minds fit perfectly together; we finished each other’s craziest sentences and storylines. Our friendship was based on creativity, which is one of my core values, and with him, I was in the most inspired period of my life: writing, dreaming, creating. He listened to me, he empathized with me, and he gave me wise guidance when I needed help. He was always there for me. He knew me and loved me anyway. Yes, this was all the stuff that felt really good. He could’ve been my best friend and business partner for the rest of my life.
Before we continue, please know that this story is everything I am ashamed of.
As it turns out, he had other plans. From before we even officially met, he had laid out a careful plot to ensnare my sanity, and I fell for it completely. Like a cult leader, charismatic and endearing, he wrapped me around his finger and I willingly hung on tight. By the time I realized what he had been handing me, I couldn’t make him let go. I started saying No and he didn’t like that. Not at all.
Our relationship quickly escalated into the fear zone: literally 150 phone calls per day, and he’d fill up my business voice-mail whenever I emptied it (I got a new cell phone, just for my close friends and family); packages full of baby clothes for our future children (we’d had a platonic relationship); dozens of faxes, pages long each, sent to my employers’ home office; hundreds of threatening emails to me, my friends, and ex-boyfriends; slanderous websites, Facebook and MySpace pages, all dedicated to the destruction of my character (along with photos and a few of the juicer aforementioned secrets); and finally, he emailed all my co-presenters at a regional conference with two-foot-long emails about what a drunk, ugly, murderous failure I was. In short, he ruined everything.
It was 2006 and my life was far from perfect. On the outside, I wore a big, fake smile. What he did to me was awful, yes, but what I felt inside was worse: I am a worthless shadow. I would rather hide alone in the sorrow of my shame. No one can understand this pain. I’m not strong enough to make him stop; I am weak and pitiful. My sins are so horrendous that I deserve this punishment. I am scared to be in public: everyone knows that I am worthless. Relationships are crap. People are mean. No one can help me. The only reasons I didn’t commit suicide were: 1) my daughter and 2) he would have won.
My life became a dizzying series of restraining orders, unlisted utility bills and addresses, PTSD, therapy, antidepressants, gun shows, and emails to the “Breach of Use Agreement” departments of WordPress, Blogspot, and others.
And then I heard a story.
Two angels up in Heaven love each other very, very much. Angel 1 says to Angel 2, “I love you so much that I am going to give you The Greatest Gift: one you couldn’t even imagine!”
Angel 2 says, “How can you do that? You have nothing to give, silly!”
“Come with me and I’ll show you.” And so they are born into this world.
Circumstances align and their worlds intertwine, and between them there is pain, anguish, misery, and struggle. But from these challenges, Angel 2 discovers her power, voice, boundaries, intentions, and perseverance—qualities she didn’t know she had. Like a Phoenix, her strength grows from these ashes and she does indeed receive The Greatest Gift: Herself.
Guess what, Michael. I win.
I was born perfect. And that journey pulled me as far away from perfect as was possible. These are the exercises that helped me reclaim my Inner Truth. My dream for you is that as you follow The Cosmic Way, you will also become Your Greatest Gift.
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After you’ve completed all the processes in this book, or even just a few of them, you’ll inevitably return to that Sea of Self-Enlightenment. You’ll still reach around and pull out the one that “feels right.” But this time, as you experience it, it will not be from desperation and emptiness but, instead, will be with a level head and full heart. You’ll appreciate those nuggets that don’t fulfill you, and easily let them go. You’ll accept the wisdom and insights that enhance your Inner Truth, and let them penetrate and soak in.
Let the Way begin!